It's UP YOUR BUTT.
SCREW your guitar
SCREW your drum machine
SCREW your guitar AGAIN
SCREW your blues
SCREW your dance music
The WRETCH runs his guitar thru his Butt Probe
NOT BREATHING uses a Butt Probe
LIMITED ISSUE item! Get yours NOW! They won't last!
You're a GUITARIST, aren't you? Then you must really enjoy your anus-stretching exercises. And now, for the perfect gift for ALL you butt-guitarists: introducing the ultimate anus stretching appliance.
The Metasonix TX-2 is entirely made of vacuum tubes. To be specific, three type 4BN6 beam modulator
devices. They were intended for use in crummy TV sets as FM detectors, and were NOT meant
for audio applications. (Yes, another crap TV tube.)
Only METASONIX knows how to apply these strange devices to audio processing. We know how to ream you guitar-sucking buttboys out, real good.
The TX-2 can accept guitar, mic or line-level signals, though it works best with line level. By utilizing the inherent non-linearity of the 4BN6 tubes, the TX-2 offers a broad range of distortion effects. Carefully adjusting the FIST and REAM controls allows the user to vary the screen-grid voltages of the first two tubes--FIST controls the first (input) tube, REAM the second tube in the string.
This changes each tube's gain and distortion behaviour in a very drastic fashion. It can be adjusted
from a mild tube-ish warmth, to horrid screaming broken-amp ultra-distortion from HELL. The range of
overdrive effects is far vaster and more musically useful than those scores of silly overdrive pedals
on the market that are built from ancient Mullard germanium transistors. Instead of simulating tube
overdrive with a rare unavailable snob-value antique transistor, we simulate it WITH TUBES.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh, you don't believe it's fulla tubes, do you??
Instability is inherent in a circuit having this much gain, and the third tube provides an extra
way of modulating the distortion. Basically, it is wired as a very bad bandpass filter. Filter center
frequency is controlled with a "Vactrol" optical resistor, and swept continuously with an LFO built
into the TX-2. The sweep may be disabled by turning down the SCREW knob or by plugging an
unassigned 1/4" plug into the CV IN jack. If the latter is done, the SCREW knob will tune the filter
manually, giving a vast range of NAUSEATING tonal effects not obtainable with any of the existing effect pedals on
HOW IS THE TX-2 DIFFERENT FROM THE TX-1? It's TOTALLY different, bub. We can't explain. They are both berserk, vile, head-screwing distortion....and totally unalike. Face it, you need BOTH of them. (Good luck finding a TX-1.)
Yes, the cartoons are by our fave artist Sarah Combs.
You don't have a problem with this, right? Larger photo here
Each TX-2 Butt Probe is HAND-MADE and HAND-PAINTED in Northern California. Because they're HAND-PAINTED, THEY ARE ALL DIFFERENT FROM EACH OTHER. (Each one, a different variety of disgusting.)
As an extra special "feature", the Butt Probe's owner manual contains extremely offensive cartoons by "Retarded Animal Babies" creator Dave Lovelace. These cartoons are so disgusting, they will NOT be made available anywhere else. If you wanna see them, you'll have to buy a Butt Probe.
Dual, full-bodied grab economical purchase odor comfort, chunky, lost neat each, incredible squeezable roasted rare. Velvety available a disposable wealth ordinary, one distinct, extravaganza opportunity vinyl snappy seasoned. Value real all-over comes spacious keen, anything anti humongous generous silky effervescent bigger, simply. Moist secret but whenever, economical in yummy, proven compare mountain time millions. Yummy chunky, don't choice proven newer. Fun high-tech, your treat, catch outlasts more spacious. It's up your butt. Everything is up your butt. Every imaginable molecule and energy photon in the universe is up your butt!
WHAT SPECIFICATIONS?... Power consumption: 12 volts AC ONLY at 1.0 amps. Frequency response: Yes, you can play bass thru it. Distortion: oh, yeah, baby. Size: 8x4.5x2.5 inches, weight approx 4 pounds. Inputs: one audio, one control voltage (sweeps filter), both 1/4" TS. Output: STEREO audio, 1/4" TS. Output is usually >20 dB hotter than input. Not recommended for use with guitar amp input, suggest line level input. Anal lubricant not included. OOOOHHH! Now you can go comparison shopping. If you find something even vaguely similar to the Butt Probe, BUY IT. Good luck.
We feel that the TX-2 BUTTPROBE is far more extreme than the famed Sherman Filterbank, and far
more tube-freaky than your mother's enema kit. Face it, butt-probing is a worldwide everyday amusement. It works for you, we can tell. And clearly, Americans LOVE to have their butts probed. Look at the freaks they vote into political power. Proper use of the TX-2 BUTTPROBE can be infinitely more satisfying than watching Tucker Carlson mopping his ass-crack with your girlfriend's hair. Your girlfriend might like it too.
And speaking of politics! Ann Coulter is up your butt! Al Franken is up your butt! Can't you feel them wriggling around in there???!?!? It's NASTY! And I'm afraid to think where Bill O'Reilly might be wriggling around at this moment!!
Only 100 pieces of the TX-2 will be made. It's a limited issue. GET YOURS QUICKLY!! If the TX-1 demand is any guide, these things will sell FAST. Buy it or consider yourself a buttplug boy.
CLICK HERE TO STICK IT !!
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Lakeport CA 95453 USA
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express written permission of Metasonix or its assigned representative.